Dear, Sincerely,
by Gwennie333
Summary: Little jokes using the 'dear blank, please blank' concept.  Update every day!
1. Sincerely, Voldie

**First I felt kind of bad about doing this fic, it felt like I stole somebody's idea, since it has been done before. But hey, it's a very well known concept and I wrote a lot of them already. Hope I do have new things though. Enjoy the 'Dear, … Sincerely, …'!**

**Also, I don't own any of the characters, just like playing with them ;)**

* * *

Dear Fanfic writers,

Please stop giving me cute nicknames.

Sincerely, I'm NOT now, nor will I ever be named Voldie!

* * *

**Edit: Trust me, most of them are a lot better then this one.**


	2. Sincerely, Sex operation?

Dear Zabini,

When they translate your name, they really should decide whether you're a girl or boy first.

Sincerely, confused about your name changing from Bella to Benno… Sex operation?

* * *

**I have read all the Dutch books and in at the sorting ceremony the last kid to be sorted is 'Zabini, Bella'. Few books later there was this boy called Benno Zabini. Always wondered about that, turned out the translator thought Blaise was a girl… :)**


	3. Sincerely, Blaise

Dear Translators,

I AM SO A BOY! Don't translate Blaise with fricking Bella…!

Sincerely, really annoyed Blaise Zabini.

* * *

**Wanted to make a mean Twilight related joke, I love them a lot (but I love Twilight too, I'm just a sucker for the Harry Potter-Twilight Jokes) but I didn't do it this time. Isn't that great? Took me a lot of will power though. I have made a lot of them already, I will post them sometime.**


	4. Sincerely, Hermione Granger

Dear Ronald,

Harry and I are just friends, get it through that thick head of yours!

Sincerely, Hermione Granger (hoping to become Hermione Weasley someday).


	5. Sincerely, Fred and George

Dear Brother,

Thinking the same thing?

Sincerely, of course we do.


	6. Sincerely, Nauseous

Dear Malfoy (we will never be on first name basis!),

I hope you know I would never fall for you, no matter how much you change. I wouldn't want to kiss you in a million years.

Sincerely, gets nauseous by the idea, Hermione Granger.

* * *

**I really wanted to thank cuddlebear992 for some lovely reviews. Seriously, thank you, it's really nice to know that someone liked my stuff. Also I want to say thanks to Forever Sirius Black Lover, for a honest review. I know I'm not really funny, that is mostly why I started writing this, to get in touch with my funny side (normally I go for the drama and serious stuff, at least I know how to write that) so feedback is really appreciated. So, thanks to my 2 reviewers! Hope you will like the rest, they will get funnier, or at least, that is what I think :)  
**


	7. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy

Dear Hermione,

Don't worry, like I would ever wanna tough YOU. Eugh.. *throws up* Not even under the Imperius Curse!

Sincerely, I will never be yours, you filthy mudblood!

P.S. You owe me lunch.

* * *

**So, the P.S. isn't actually mine, I read it somewhere but with the *throws up* I had, it just fitted really nicely. Also, I had a anonymous review from Sexybeast answering a question I had, since I can't thank him/her in person, I'll do it like this.**

**So at (why doesn't the at sign work...?) Sexybeast: I do have to say I feel really stupid for not getting the really obvious explanation, especially since I love the Edward=Cedric jokes, so I feel kind of embarrassed now. But thank you so much for answering! I really appreciate it!**


	8. Sincerely, Voldemort

Dear Harry,

I, the Dark Lord, will find (and kill) you eventually!

Sincerely, so why don't you just tell me where you are?

* * *

**So, I got a question from Hayley, asking me if I could do one from Voldemort to Harry or vice versa. Well Hayley, you're in luck, today it's one from Voldemort to Harry, tomorrow it will be vice versa :) (totally planned that already :)) If someone has a request, feel free to ask me! And if you have a nice idea, or the feeling that I am forgetiing a importend charater, please tell me!  
(By the way, this one is obviously during their 7th year, just saying)**


	9. Sincerely, Harry

Dear Voldemort,

The Horcruxes will be destroyed eventually, so why don't you just tell me where they are?

Sincerely, I'll come and find you after that!


	10. Sincerely, Blaise II

Dear Fanfic writers,

Stop pairing me up with fricking Malfoy, we're not gay! (And no, I am NOT a GIRL!) And I'm not the nice understanding guy who supports Malfoy when he falls in love with the mudblood or weaslette either!

Sincerely, I am in bloody SLYTHERIN!

* * *

**Yeah, I'm really not great at letting know who it's actually about, I'm trying to work on that though. And if I think it's not clear, I will put it in the chapter title.**


	11. Sincerely, Hermione Jean Granger

Dear Fanfic writers,

Ever noticed J.K. Rowling's never calling me 'mione or Herm?

Sincerely, my name is Hermione Jean Granger!


	12. Sincerely, Fred Weasley

**Hi everybody. I just wanna say thanks for all the lovely reviews! Especially thanks to cuddlebear992, thank you so much for your support!**

* * *

Dear members of F.I.N.D.,

A book with a battle like Harry Potter had wouldn't be a good book without some losses. The fact that you loved me all so much made it possible for me to be killed and die.

Sincerely, so I died, the story was over anyway.

* * *

**When I found out about F.I.N.D., Fred Is Not Dead, I had to write this one. Fred dying opened the door for a lot of fanfics about grieving George and the book would honestly suck big time if all the good guys lived through the war. To me it was clear one of the Weasleys would die. Seriously, where would the excitement be if everybody lived through the war. It would make Lord Voldemort a lot less scary. By the way, please don't think I hate Fred, I love him very, very much and think that Rowling should have giving him and his brother a lot more page time, they are hilarious!**


	13. Sincerely, Draco

Dear Fanfic writers,

Stop pairing me up with stupid blood traitors and mudbloods, I'd rather die!

Sincerely, wishing I jumped after Dumbledore…

* * *

**I don't normally like my own jokes, but I like this one a lot. And I love the one I'm posting tomorrow… ;)**


	14. Sincerely, Draco II

Dear Fanfic writers,

Are you sick! You've paired me up with bloody Scarface! That is just too much!

Sincerely, now I'm really jumping.


	15. Sincerely, Remus Lupin

Dear Jacob,

Stop trying to make me walk around in my bare chest with you and your stupid friends.

Sincerely, I'm not that young anymore!

* * *

**Hope it was clear this is coming from Remus. Sometimes I forget that people can't always follow my weird strain of thoughts. If not, well, it's clear now :)**

**This was the first Twilight related joke right? Prepare yourself for more, because I have a lot of them already.**


	16. Sincerely, Serverus

Dear Lily,

Everything I ever did was for you and that stupid boy of yours.

Sincerely, please forgive me for ever calling you a mudblood.


	17. Sincerely, Lily

Dear Snape,

I'll forgive you. Thanks for looking after Harry, but don't call him stupid ever again.

Sincerely, ain't gonna forgive you for that one!

* * *

**You probably noticed that I like to react. I'm more of a dialogue person anyway. I now this doesn't capture Lily, but it makes fun of Snape, sort of. Hope you like it.**


	18. Dear Twilight

Dear Twilight lovers,

Come talk to me after you have your own theme park.

Sincerely, nobody likes sparkles.

* * *

**Told ya I was going to post me Twilight jokes :). Still, loving Twilight though, but since they are two completely different things its funny to compare them. Because seriously, they are not at all the same genre so it's totally normal a lot of people only love one.**


	19. Sincerely, Lily Potter

**Oh my nose! Opened my mail, 27 review/story alerts from fanfiction! You guys gave me almost a hart attack (but in good way) Thank you so much FriendofMolly ! (and evrybody else who reviewed/story alerted it)  
**

* * *

Dear Fanfic writers,

Yeah, Harry is totally Snape's kid. What gave it away? The black (washed) hair, the glasses, the people always telling him how much he looks like James?

Sincerely, he's not called Potter by mistake!

* * *

**Yeah, again it's not clear who wrote this. When I wrote it I had Lily in my mind, but it could be pretty much everybody, so you can just choose for yourselves.**


	20. Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore

Dear McGonagall,

I'm very sorry to tell you we will never happen, I will never be attracted to you.

Sincerely, the gayest, I'm sorry, the greatest headmaster Hogwarts ever had.


	21. Sincerely, Minerva McGonagall

Dear Albie,

Happy to hear that, since I don't like you in that way either. Just for the record, I do not have any feelings for Severus, Hagrid, Sirius, Remus or Voldemort either! Sorry for leading any of you on.

Sincerely, Professor not-much-for-a-social-life McGonagall.

**Don't know why, but love to call Dumbledore Albie. It's so weird and patronizing. Just like calling He Who Must Not Be Named Voldie XD**


	22. Sincerely, Peeves

Dear Spoilers,

I thought we would find out more about me past!

Sincerely, a, for ones actually being sincere, Peeves.

* * *

**I always hated it that the spoilers made us all hot and ready for next book, expecting all this interesting stuff and then half of the spoilers turn out to be bullshit. Made me actually stop reading spoilers. I really wanted to know more about Peeves his past, how he died, that sort of stuff. So, if you know, please, do tell me! (Also, this is not actually supposed to be funny, it was just me being annoyed with stupid incorrect spoilers.)  
**


	23. Sincerely, J K Rowling

Dear Stephanie Meyer,

I made a guy rise from a cauldron, a stone that gave eternal life, made up a famous sport played on brooms, had a three headed dog, possessed a girl by a 50 year old diary, have elves who like to work and had a crazy old adorable gay headmaster who plots its own death. But even I didn't cross _that_ line.

Sincerely, sparkles… Really?


	24. Dear J K Rowling

Dear J. K. Rowling,

Your books are entirely unrealistic. I'm not buying it.

Sincerely, I mean, a ginger kid with two friends…?

**Read something like this on don't know how it went exactly, I'm sure it was funnier than this. I know it sort of makes fun of the books, but it mostly makes fun of ginger kids, but still, it made me laugh my ass off. For the record, I don't have anything against gingers.**


	25. Sincerely, Goyle

Dear Crabbe,

Sorry you died in the books, especially since you got yourself community services and I have to play your part in the movie now.

Sincerely, Gregory I-don't-wanna-die-yet Goyle.

* * *

**You don't know what the hell I'm talking about? Well, to bad for you :P**


	26. Sincerely, Harry II

Dear Fanfic writers,

You're totally right, me and Malfoy would be such an amazing couple. We already have this amazing history and those sweet names for each other like ferret, git, pothead and scarface. Yeah, we would be totally perfect for each other.

Sincerely, a totally freaked out Harry.


	27. Dear Sirius

**Found this one on ****dearblankpleaseblank** . com. Yes, I know, I'm lazy.

* * *

Dear Sirius Black,

What's your middle name?

Sincerely, I hope it's Lee.


	28. Sincerely, Sirius

Dear fanfic writers,

Stop with the bloody name jokes already!

Sincerely, It's seriously not funny anymore.

* * *

**Yeah, I know, I'm bad for making another one, ah well :)**


	29. Dear Twilight fans

**FF didn't let me post this the way I wanted, it was supposed to be the 'more then' sign in staid of 'defeated'** **, so please just picture it like that, because I like it better that way :)**

* * *

Dear Twilight fans,

We're so much better then you, just do the math! Harry Potter defeated Voldemort. Voldemort defeated Cedric Diggory. Cedric Diggory = Edward Cullen. Therefore, Harry Potter defeats Edward Cullen.

Sincerely, suck on that, suckers!

* * *

**I'm a big fan of the Cedric = Edward jokes. Don't know if I can take the credit for this one though, I remember reading something like this before, just don't know where…**


	30. Sincerely, Harry III

**So, I try to reply to every review, favorite and story alert, but I get way more than I ever expected. I do still reply to the reviews but to the other two, I stopped replying. My reply would just be 'thanks' so to all of you, thanks! Seriously, thank you all!**

* * *

Dear Fanfic writers,

Dudley only beats me up, he never ever raped me, okay!

Sincerely, we never made sweet love either!


	31. Sincerely, Harry Freaking Potter

**So yeah, yesterday I didn't update. I know, I'm sorry. Well, nobody went all 'you didn't update!' on me so maybe none of you notice. But I will give my super amazing excuse anyway (I'm being sarcastic here, my excuse sucks). So yesterday was my last official school day so I had to be there at 7 o'clock in the morning to help preparing and then partying it up with the whole exam class. We had an 'All You Need Is Love' theme so we were all dressed up in red and pink (funny enough almost all the boys were in pink). It was so much fun and we spent the whole afternoon just dancing in the sun (we had a dj on the steps and it was amazing weather). After cleaning everything up (we did that with the music on so hard the whole school was shaking, no joke!) I had to work. So when I finally wanted to go home my colleagues where all like 'You have to come with us. It's going to be so much fun!' It was koningennacht (Queens night, the night before queens day) so the whole city went crazy. By the time I got home I was tired, drunk and my mom looked ready to kill me. To be fair, it was almost 5 o'clock in the morning. My mom was nice and all, but trying to post something on ff… that would have been pushing my luck. But to make it up to all of you, you get this freakishly long authors note and 2 updates in one day! The first one is written on demand by Steady Silence, I hope you like it.**

* * *

Dear Fanfiction writers,

For the last time, I'M NOT A GIRL! Voldemort's spell was meant to kill me, it did NOT change my gender, I did NOT choose to have a sex operation and my name is NOT Hannah!

Sincerely, I'm Harry Freakin' Potter!

* * *

**Yeah, also a small AVPS (A Very Potter Sequel) reference, there are a lot of those coming up.**


	32. Sincerely, Voldemort II

Dear father,

Please stop, this game of 'got your nose' has gone on far too long.

Sincerely, Voldemort.

* * *

**I really hate the Micheal Jackson and Pinocchio jokes, have seen them way too much. This one I haven't seen anywhere though, although I can't that all the credit. One of my friends makes 'got your nose' jokes with his sister quite a lot, she always thinks she lost her nose, it's really adorable (and, in this case, inspiring :)).**


	33. Sincerely, Umbridge

Dear Dumblebore,

Did you get my text?

Sincerely, well, you didn't text me back!

* * *

**Yeah, you totally need A Very Potter Sequel to get it. This is one of my AVPS favorite moments. If you know what I'm talking about, just think about Joe Walker's face in this scene (the one where he sings and dances), priceless!**


	34. Sincerely, Professor Snape

**Credit should go to whoever posted it on dearblankpleaseblank . com.**

* * *

Dear Cedric Diggory,

Vampires don't sparkle. 20 points from Hufflepuff!

Sincerely, Professor Snape.


	35. Dear Luna

Dear Luna,

If my head is filed with Nargels, can I call in sick?

Sincerely, I really hate my work.


	36. Sincerely, Hermione

Dear Harry Potter,

You're acting like Garfield on a Monday.

Sincerely, Hermione.

* * *

**Yeah, I'm totally quoting A Very Potter Musical. I know that not all of you've watched it, but a few people reacted so enthusiast that I decided to post more of them. If you haven't watched it yet, go watch it! It's funny.**


	37. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy II

Dear AVPM,

I wish my dad had transferred me to Pigfarts.

Sincerely, that would have been totally awesome.

* * *

**I like A Very Potter Musical :) Love the sequel too, Joe Walker is amazing! (For those who don't know who he is, Joe Walker plays Voldemort in AVPM and Umbridge in AVPS.) Oh, this one is from Draco Malfoy (who doesn't love Lauren, rolling on the ground?) because well, Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs.  
**


	38. Sincerely, Voldemort III

Dear World,

You'd think killing people makes them like you, but it doesn't.

Sincerely, It just makes them dead.

* * *

**Some wisdom from Voldemort in AVPM :)  
**


	39. Sincerely, Dean Thomas

**Hi everybody! The review reply button didn't work so I'll just to it like this. First of all I want to send my special thanks out to FriendofMalfoy, thank you so much for reviewing every single chapter! Secondly, in chapter 37 I spelled Pigfarts wrong. Thank you, Andraste Straton, for pointing it out! And thank you, for your idea's! (You will see them up here soon enough.) If anybody else wants to see something, someone or has a character that I'm totally forgetting (like Ginny, but don't worry, you'll see something of hers next week) just let me know!  
**

**Today I have another AVPS joke, I'm sorry to everybody who doesn't get them, but I only have a few of those left, so just bear with me okay?**

* * *

Dear Harry Potter,

You want some bubbleguuuuuuuuum?

Sincerely, my name is Dean Thomas.

* * *

**I love how she delivers this line, made me love so hard. And 'Harry Freakin' Potter' is like my favorite song.**


	40. Sincerely, Ron and Harry

Dear Hermeenie hermam hermama moma hermooingool oongol booingel

Menene hermenenen hermoina…

Ah, night troll!

* * *

**You don't get it? You didn't watch A Very Potter Sequel.**


	41. Sincerely, Snape

Dear Lupin,

Wanna look at the full moon with me?

Sincerely, haha, zombie!

* * *

**I love how Snape randomly runs over the podium saying this! (AVPS) Joe Moses looks so funny. I will stop with the AVPM and the AVPS jokes now.**


	42. Sincerely, Harry IV

**So, I got a few people who where glad that I stopped with the AVPM and AVPS jokes, but a few who want them anyway. So I was thinking (since I have a lot of them written) that I'll post them during my exams (well, not during during of course) that way I don't have to worry about writing more and can I focus on learning (yeah...!)**

**Hope all of you enjoy this one :)**

* * *

Dear Ginny,

You really think it's cute that I dumped you for some stupid noble reason?

Sincerely, I just tried to dump you.


	43. Dear Tom Riddle

Dear Tom Riddle,

Yeah, I said it!

Sincerely, 'cause I can.

* * *

**You don't get it? Go listen to the Lazy Song from Bruno Mars.**


	44. Dear Noah

Dear Noah,

It's ok, we caught the train to Hogwarts instead.

Sincerely, Unicorns and Dragons.

* * *

**This one I also found on ****dearblankpleaseblank . com**. It's is a reaction on all the jokes I read about Unicorns missing Noah's ark or being gay and that sort of stuff.


	45. Sincerely, the Sorting Hat

**Again, it's from ********dearblankpleaseblank . com**.

Dear Career Placement Tests,

You don't have sh*t on me.

Sincerely, the Sorting Hat.


	46. Sincerely, the Hogwarts house elves

Dear Stephanie Meyer,

Please make another book in the Twilight series. We have a lot of fireplaces here at Hogwarts.

Sincerely, the Hogwarts house elves.


	47. Dear Dumbledore

**Hi everyone! Thanks for are the lovely reviews! I'm sorry for not answering them, I'm trying. But I can't answer my reviews, if I click on the link it says '404 Page Not Found Most likely you are accessing the site with an outdated link. ' It's really annoying. If anyone could help me with that, that would make me very happy! So, tell me if you know a solution!**

**Today I have another one from ********dearblankpleaseblank . com**. Why are they so much funnier than my own?

* * *

Dear Dumbledore,

I just got off the phone with Merlin and he is totally down with getting the band back together!

Sincerely, Gandalf.


	48. Sincerely, Ginny

Dear Fanfic writers,

I had two boyfriends before Harry, that doesn't make me a whore!

Sincerely, you're just jealous because I'm popular and you're not.

* * *

**Yeah, immature Ginny…. Karisia told me that I was forgetting about Ginny, like her a lot though.**


	49. Dear Twilight fans II

Dear Twilight fans,

Ever heard of the song 'This book is so awesome' from Ministry of Magic? We have bands like Harry and the Potters, Draco and the Malfoys, Remus Lupins, The Womping Willows, Gred and Forge and the Moaning Myrtles. What do you have?

Sincerely, Yeah, thought so!

* * *

**Yeah, more Twilight bashing. I don't really like 'wrock' but I really liked the song 'This book is so awesome' it's short and catchy.**

* * *

Dear Twilight fans,

Ever heard of the song 'This book is so awesome' from Ministry of Magic? We have bands like Harry and the Potters, Draco and the Malfoys, Albus and the Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledores, Arnold and the Pygmy Puffs, The Band Who Must Not Be Named, Diggin the Diggory, George's Left Ear, Crucio! at the Yule Ball, Romilda Vane and the Chocolate Cauldrons, Ladies of Azkaban Swimsuit Calander, Roonil Wazlib, Azkaban Breakout, Snape Plays Guitar, Ron With His Pants Down, The Zabini Machine, Dobby's Sock, Tom Riddle and Friends, and Dumbledore's Bathroom. It's called wrock.

Sincerely, I never heard of vrock though…

* * *

**So, I kind of changed it, I usually only do that when I spelled something wrong (please tell me when you spot a mistake!) but I wound so much weird names that I regret posting it the way I did. I actually went through a list of 893 wrock bands and picked a few funny names. So, I wrote this one, but I didn't wanted to update it as a new chapter (because let's face it, it's the same). So, hope one of the names made you laugh :)**


	50. Dear God

Dear God,

Please give us Fred back, we'll let you have Edward.

Sincerely, Harry Potter fans all over the world.

* * *

**I got the inspiration to write this one from dearblankpleaseblank . com****. I basically just stole it and made it into a Harry Potter joke… (I'm a little bit ashamed of myself right now)**


	51. Dear world

Dear world,

You're sure words can't hurt?

Sincerely, Crucio!


	52. Dear teachers

Dear teachers,

I don't call you "Professor" out of respect. I do it because it makes me feel like I'm in Harry Potter.

Sincerely, students everywhere.


	53. Dear Twilight fans III

Dear Twilight fans,

Harry Potter books teach us to overcome our fears, to never give up and to always protect our loved ones. What does Twilight teach you?

Sincerely, oh right, lets jump off a cliff when our boyfriend leaves us…

* * *

**I'm sorry about all the Twilight bashing, it's just the only thing that comes to me right now. That and AVPM/S jokes... Just one more week and then I will put some more time and thought into this :) (Stupid exams!)**


	54. Sincerely, the wizard world

Dear laws of physics,

OWNED!

Sincerely, the wizard world.


	55. Sincerely, Neville

Dear Harry,

It's a good thing we're not related, your name would be Harry Longbottom.

Sincerely, Neville

* * *

**Found this one on dearblankpleaseblank . com (and I really don't have time to make something better up… Stupid exams!).**


	56. Sincerely, Harry V

Dear Fanfic writers,

I do not love Ginny because she looks like my mother. Ginny is very smart, a powerful witch, funny, has her own opinion, is beautiful, she can stand up for herself and she loves me so much she would die for me.

Sincerely, yeah, okay… I'm starting to see your point…

* * *

**So, I'm kind of through my stock of jokes. I've only a few left, but they are so stupid that I rather post nothing at all. I do still have AVPM/S jokes, so I think I will post those for the rest of this week. I'm sorry for the people who haven't seen it yet, but I really don't have time to sit done and write right now (I'm having this theatre play at the end of thing this week, so I've to be practicing, doing a costume fitting, practicing some more, practicing with the light and music people, and between all that I have three more exams to do (and learn for) and finally we have to perform the play. So no time at all!) I'll definitely write a whole lot of new ones next week though, I'll have a lot of free time on my hands then.**

**So… Hope you all can live through the AVPM/S jokes XD (Just watch the musicals already! You'll get all the jokes, they are posted on youtube, they have really nice songs and they are just to amazing for words! (Yeah, I'm totally advertising here, but seriously, it won't be a waste of time.))**


	57. Sincerely, Lavender Brown

Dear Ginny,

Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!

Sincerely, Lavender Brown.

* * *

**Like I promised, a AVPM joke. Although I'd written it myself too, Andraste Straton send me the same thing, so credit should also go to her. Also, MadButSane wanted more Ginny, so here you go!**


	58. Sincerely, Draco Milfoy

Dear Voldemort,

I'll kill Dumbledore and get my rocket ship.

Sincerely, Draco.

**Who doesn't love Lauren? And this scene… Joe Walker's face is so funny, his eyes are so gorgeous! And Joe Moses clapping and laughing in the background… Makes me laugh every time! (btw, it's AVPM reference) (Oh, and I just love how Voldemort doesn't know Lucius (and Draco's) last name XD)  
**


	59. Sincerely, Dumbledore

Dear Harry,

I- Oh, come on! Damn it, I told you to come by yourself!

Sincerely, Why'd you have to bring the fannies?

* * *

**Another AVPM one.**


	60. Sincerely, Ron

Dear Dumbledore,

Oh. My. God. That is a boss Zefron poster!

Sincerely, and everybody knows I love him the most.

* * *

**Ever noticed how Joey (plays Ron in, of course, A Very Potter Musical) puts his hand in his shirt, making the zefron pose? It made me laugh so hard!**

**Anyway, sorry I'm so late with updating! I had my theater production today (tomorrow the second, and last, show). It was awesome! I even rolled around like Lauren! (I love to do that so much!) And after the show I went for a drink, so yeah, it's a little bit later then normal. Tomorrow I'll try to update before I have to go to school (it's a school production). Anyway, hope you liked it. (seriously, who doesn't say 'I love him the most!'? Joey says it when he's under the invisibility cloak.)  
**


	61. Sincerely, Remus Lupin II

Dear Beer,

O, no, what, where did you go? Oh…! No, that's piss.

Sincerely, wait, was I drinking piss?

* * *

**Yeah, not the Lupin we know from the books… But funny as hell! Especially the Snape-Lupin stuff. This one is from AVPS.**

**And, as I promised, an early update (well... it's 2 o'clock already, but I was tired) Enjoy! :)  
**


	62. Sincerely, Dumbledore II

Dear Hermione Granger,

When one of yous gots a problem, that means all three of yous gots a problem. What would Zack Efron say in a time like this?

Sincerely, We're all in this together.

* * *

**Yeah, I'm just posting all the Zefron jokes… (AVPM) I just couldn't get them out of my head. Btw, thanks for all the lovely reviews! I'm laughing my ass of reading all the AVPM quotes you guys send me, thanks!  
**


	63. Sincerely, Draco Malfoy III

Dear Harry,

My name is Draco Malfoy. I am a racist, I despises Gingers and mudbloods, I hate Gryffindor house and my parents work for the man who killed your parents.

Sincerely, Do you want to be my friend?

* * *

**AVPS, Draco Malfoy, played by Lauren Lopez :)  
**


	64. Sincerely, Ron II

Dear Horcrux seeking medallion,

There's a seventh? Oh, I really hope it's not a Ashley Tishdale poster.

Sincerely, I couldn't deal with that!

* * *

**I really like the idea of an Asley Tishdale poster, don't know why… I should really stop with the Zefron jokes… (I'm not stopping yet though XD)  
**


	65. Sincerely, Umbridge II

Dear Snape,

I don't care for Zack Efron, Taylor Lautner is my man!

Sincerely, Umbridge.

* * *

**Yeah, I just had to do this one. Some people saw this one coming already, but I hope it makes you still laugh ;)  
**

**So, I'm done with my exams (for now) and I did my theatre production so right now, I have all the free time in the world. Well, sort of. At least, I promise that I'll write a bunch of (funny) jokes that have something to do with the books (or the movies)!**


	66. Sincerely, Dobby

Dear Bellatrix,  
Dobby never meant to kill!  
Sincerely, Only maim or, seriously injure.

* * *

**This is a joke written by ****rAwrXdiNo3. rAwrXdiNo3, thank you so much for al your ideas and support!**

**Oh, tomorrow a new one… I haven't anything written yet, help!**


	67. Sincerely, Dobby II

**I got some inspiration from FriendofMolly (thank you!) I'm not totally satisfied with it, but I had to post something, right?**

* * *

Dear Mrs. Weasley,

Dobby is thanking Molly for killing Bellatrix. Dobby thinking you was right, Bellatrix is a bitc… a bi…

Sincerely, Bad Dobby! Bad Dobby!


	68. Sincerely, Minerva McGonagall II

Dear fanfiction writers,

You really think people call me Minnie?

Sincerely, You want to want out just how good of a witch I am?


	69. Sincerely, Minerva McGonagall III

**So, I'm through my whole stack off jokes :S I spend most of my day sleeping and replying to all your lovely reviews. (Thank you all!) so it's eleven o'clock now and I still haven't written anything. So plies, everybody who has a favorite quote (doesn't have to be funny!) or scene or thought or whatever, plies tell me. I'm really getting desperate for inspiration. But, I did write something, kind of a P.S. to yesterday's letter.**

* * *

Dear fanfiction writers,

Students don't call Professor Snape 'Sev' or headmaster Dumbledore 'Albie' either, so plies stop doing that!

Sincerely, It makes me want to send Argus Filch to your house.


	70. Sincerely, Rose Weasley

**So, I asked for inspiration and I got it (I think I got it XD oh, stupid AVPS) lowi suggested to do next gen, that alone gave me quite some inspiration. (Thank you again lowi!) It's harder than I thought it would be, since I don't really know anything about them (except for like, their names). Makes it hard to imagine what they would say and how they would say it. But I'm trying :) So here it is, my first next generation chapter.**

* * *

Dear fanfiction writers,

Albus and I are not a couple, neither are me and James. Our parents are really close and we practically grew up together.

Sincerely, It's just as wrong as the idea of dad and aunt Ginny together.

* * *

**I don't like cousin sex.**

**(And yes, I know, last chapter was chapter 69, you guys are very dirty minded ;P)**


	71. Sincerely, Scorpius

**Wow, it's way harder than I thought, I don't even know who's friends with who… Luckily Rowling at least hinted some things (like the Rose/Scorpius thing, I consider that pretty much canon.)**

* * *

Dear Rose,

I borrowed you cousins invisibility cloak, so can I visit your restricted section tonight?

Sincerely, Scorpius.

* * *

**This used to be a Harry/Ginny joke, but I didn't liked it enough. The idea of a mini Draco and mini Hermione using Harry's cloak made me smile though. Hope you liked it!**


	72. Sincerely, Fred and George Weasley

**I don't like working with a deadline, but apparently I can do it. Although they aren't that great, at least I'm updating :)**

* * *

Dear Ginny,

Here is the toilet seat we promised you. Tell mum not the worry, we didn't blow the toilet up.

Sincerely, We just screwed the seat off after they'd dance around and sprayed all over the first years.

* * *

**I liked the toilet seat joke. I liked Fred and George!**


	73. Sincerely, Fred and George Weasley II

**Sorry for updating a day late, didn't even had time to thought my computer yesterday. Have to run now (I'm late for work) but I'll update another one when I'm home.**

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews that all of you keep sending me, you guys have no idea how much I love them! A special thanks for everyone who tried to give me inspiration, just knowing you guys take the time to think with me helps so much!**

**Also, I wanted to thank InkWearabc for the inspiration for chapter 72, I forgot to do that yesterday (sorry InkWeaverabc! It was kinda late, when I noticed I forgot, my battery was about to die and I just wanted to go to bed.) I know the toilet seat wasn't on your list with favorite scenes, but you made me think about this, and you had a lot of nice suggestions, so seriously, thank you!**

**Wow, longer authors note than usual, I won't keep todays joke from you guys any longer.**

* * *

Dear Fanfiction writers,

Please stop naming us Gred and Forge. Remember, we just made ONE joke about that. Jokes really aren't funny if you keep repeating them over and over again.

Sincerely, Sirius agrees with us on this one.

* * *

**I laugh so hard when I read the Gred and Forge joke the first time, but after reading a lot of fics where they use those names more than there owns, I can't even think about the joke without puking anymore.**


	74. Dear Twilight fans IV

**I promised a second update so hear it is. But before I'm gonna joke around, I actually have a serious question. I'm working on a little project for a new fic, and I know there a lot of AVPM lovers out here. Is there anyone here who has the time to help me (and keep me motivated) to type out the entire text from AVPM? I could really use a hand. Just, PM me or something.**

**For the people who haven't watched AVPM, the guy who plays Harry is called Darren Criss.**

* * *

Dear Twilight fans,

So you guys might have Robbert Pattinson (and btw, let's not forget who had him first), we have both Daniel Radcliff and Darren Criss.

Sincerely, And don't even bring Taylor Lautner into this, we've Tom Felton.

* * *

**I was feeling like Twilight bashing today. For anyone who's like 'What? How are those guys?' (I'm very bad with names myself) just look it up :P (or PM me)**

**Also, I saw the trailer of the last Harry Potter movie in 3D a few days ago (I'd seen it before, but not in the bios) it looks so good! Can't wait to see the whole movie.**


	75. Sincerely, Fred and George Weasley III

**To set the scene: Harry's second year, train ride home.**

* * *

Dear Ginny,

So Percy has a girlfriend? Of course we won't tease him about it. We wouldn't even dream about it.

Sincerely, Oh Percy!


	76. Sincerely, Fred and George Weasley IV

**Again, I'll set the scene: Third book, Weasley's are in Egypt.**

* * *

Dear Percy,

You have to look in here. This pyramid looks amazing from the inside. Come on, just take a look. There, in the back, doesn't it look beautiful?

Sincerely, Merlin's beard, mum saw us, RUN!


	77. Sincerely, Fred Weasley II

**Harry's third year, after losing quiditch from Hufflepuff. (You remember right? The dementors came, Harry heard his mother and fell of his broom.)**

* * *

Dear Oliver Wood,

Aren't you done showering yet? We just visited Harry, he's okay. You okay in there? It isn't that bad that we lost, we'll win next time, don't beat yourself up over it. Heah! Wood? Oliver! ?

Sincerely, Is it possible to drown in a shower?

* * *

**Why isn't it possible to type more than one ! or ? behind each other? And Why did I never noticed before?**

**Also, I'm having major internet and computer problems (one computer shuts down every 3 minutes, the other just doesn't make internet connection) I'm hating it so much! But it means that I'm not sure if I can update ever day. I work very strange hours right now so I can't even go to the library or friends (I mean, they will kill me if I try to use their computer at 4 in the morning). I'm doing the best I can though.  
**


	78. Sincerely, Lord Voldemort

Dear Death Eaters,

You did what? I said I hate hairy otters!

Sincerely, Voldemort.

* * *

**I was trying to find a way to post this for a long time, but I couldn't get it right. I have Charlie DG to thank for the finishing thought, so thank you!**


	79. Sincerely, Albus Severus Potter

Dear Wizard world,

I know I look like my father okay! ? Stop telling me that every time damn time! 'Oh you look so much like your father…'

Sincerely, Except for the scar, you don't have your fathers scar.


	80. Sincerely, Hermione Granger II

Dear Gwennie333,

See, I told you that with working hard you could pass all of your exams.

Sincerely, Congratulations!

* * *

**I still have two exams to go, but at least now I have a change of finishing my school this year :)  
**


	81. Sincerely, Sirius Black

Dear Jacob Black,

Yeah, she blasted you off too. Something about you being a disgrace.

Sincerely, I don't think she really likes dogs.

* * *

**Hea, this Twilight related one isn't even mean :)**


	82. Sincerely, Horcrux

Dear Ron,

'Next time just don't wear anything.' Yeah, that really sounds like they're just friends.

Sincerely, Really, keep believing that. Smart.

* * *

**Movie quote used, but I'm pretty sure no one missed that. It's from the Horcrux, for everyone who missed that. Also, I like to be sarcastic :)**


	83. Sincerely, Harry Potter

Dear Voldemort,

You want me to come to the Forbidden Forest so you can kill me? Sure, on one condition: when you kill me, make sure I stay dead.

Sincerely, Because I don't wanna come back all sparkly.


	84. Sincerely, Bellatrix

**Hello precious readers. How are you all? I just want to thank you all for your support and reviews and everything. Most of the inspiration that I get, I get during replying to your reviews, so thank you all! Seriously, I'm loving them! (All of them!)**

**Now, let's get on with it. Today, it's a Twilight related one again (I know, I'm seriously getting obsesed with Twilight, aren't I?)**

* * *

Dear Fanfiction writers,

If you compare me with that awful, pathetic Swan girl one more time, I won't hesitate to Crucio all of you into St. Mungo's! Her name is Isabella people!

Sincerely, How is that even the same as Bellatrix?


	85. Sincerely, Ron Weasley

Dear Professor Snape,

Blimey, are you serious with this?

_'Danger lies before you, while safety lies behind,_  
_Two of us will help you, whichever you would find,_  
_One among us seven will let you move ahead,_  
_Another will transport the drinker back instead,_  
_Two among our number hold only nettle wine,_  
_Three of us are killers, waiting hidden in line.'_

Seven bloody potions, and three of them will kill us! ?

Sincerely, If I wasn't knocked unconscious during that game of chess, this definitely would have done it!


	86. Sincerely, Harry Potter II

Dear Ron,

My scar? I got it when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when we crashed, into a crocodile. My parents got eaten but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me the scar.

Sincerely, At least, that's what my liar aunt and uncle told me.

* * *

**I'm sorry for not updating yesterday! I had to work my double job and by the time I got home I was drunk (yeah, I really shouldn't work at a place with alcohol) and it was 4 o'clock in the morning. But I'll try to make something up and post a second one today (as you can see, this first one is a AVPS quote, but it's funny even if you don't know the musical... I hope).**


	87. Sincerely, Hermione Granger III

Dear Tara Gilesbie,

I really wish you had a better beta, your awful grammar and spelling frightens me. Also, I want to point out that at Hogwarts there aren't any vampires, we have a dress code, we're obligated to follow all our class (which means that having sex during the day and walking in a classroom naked would never happen) and things like 'raining and snowing' at the same time just isn't possible, not even at Hogwarts.

Sincerely, And for the record, it's Hermione Granger, NOT B'loody Mary Smith!

* * *

**So, I started reading My Immortal, it's hilarious! (As long as you don't take it seriously.) It's seriously the worst thing I ever came across. And I read some terrible things before. I think I'll make a fic out of it, you know, write my commentary down between it and post it. (I know it's done before, but seriously, what isn't?) What do you guys think about it? Anybody read My Immortal?**


	88. Dear Weatherby

**So, some people where a little bit shocked by my last update. I just want to say that Tara Gilesbie got quite famous with her fic My Immortal (she wrote a lot of others to, but after fanfiction . com deleted her profile those never turned up anywhere). Try and type in 'worst fanfic ever' into google, My Immortal is what you'll find. For everyone who doesn't know the fic, it's about this girl Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Tara calls her Ebony most of the time, but during the fic it changes into Enoby and Evony. She types like she's texting and contradict herself in every chapter. With my last update I didn't meant to offend everybody, not even Tara, I've quite some respect for her (her fic is probably the most read and discussed fic ever, that takes a lot of skills).**

**I hope that's all cleared up, and hope you annoy today's update.**

* * *

Dear Weatherby,

You're truly a ministry-loving, family-disowning, power-hungry moron. But at least you realize that.

Sincerely, Mom will be happy to have you back.


	89. Sincerely, Cho Chang

**Almost forgot that I still had to update today. So, in my hurry to make something up, I decided to go with Cho Chang, mostly because I heard 'Cho's Song' (from AVPM) like a million times today. But no worries, I used a quote from the book again. Enjoy!**

* * *

Dear Harry,

We're about to kiss and you're talking about Nargels? Seriously! ?

Sincerely, And you wonder why people pair you up with Loony…


	90. Sincerely, Ron Weasley II

**So, I decided to update early for a change. Way better then having to do it when I'm tired :) This one is a bit longer then normal, hope you like it :)**

* * *

Dear Fanfiction writers,

I though Hermione explained enough times that all those muggle technologies don't work around magic! Those Pheletoons, Pad-i's and Komterpu's would never ever work at Hogwarts, or other places where there's magic in the air. Most wizards don't even know that that stuff exists.

Sincerely, Ron Weasley

P.S. Hermione asked me to tell you that most of that stuff didn't even exists when we were young. We went to school in 1991, apparently the first celetone was for sale back then. Harry told me it used to be the size of a fridge! ?

* * *

**Also, I have a (funny?) story. It's not related to the story or the fandom or anything, but I just wanted to share it. Last Saturday evening I was working (in a supermarket, at the bread departement) and I was warned that we had (ones again) a mouse walking around. I'm not scared of them, not at all, but I hate to have to kill them. And that's sort of what we're suppose to do. So when I saw him, sitting between the French bread, I picked him up (like I always do) and wanted to put him outside. But no, stupid mouse bit me. He just bit my finger. Pretty much all my colleague's laughed at me, even my boss! I had to go to the doctor for a tetanus injection, even she laughed at me :S But I suppose it's kind of funny. My new nickname is Minnie now (from Minnie Mouse). It's not that terrible.**

**So, what have you all been up to?  
**


	91. Sincerely, Hermione Granger IV

Dear Edward Cullen,

Did you know that when you're dead your blood stops flowing? This means that you can't get an erection anymore. Also, your body stops making sperm after you die. This makes it impossible to get anyone pregnant, especially almost 100 years after you died. Just thought you should know.

Sincerely, Hermione Granger.

* * *

**So, I'm reading My Immortal and it's making it a little bit impossible to write anything Harry Potter related today, I'm sorry.**


	92. Sincerely, Hermione II

**I'm so happy, yesterday I got my diploma, it was a total surprise. Seriously, I though I was going to fail (or at leas, I thought that I needed to redo on of my exams) but I passed! Heard it yesterday morning, spend the whole day dying my hair and saving my legs. Boughed new shoes and a new dress. And then I got my diploma :) This year we went 'all American' with the hats and trowing them in the air and all. It was fun! After that I went to a friend and spent the night there, so I just got home. I do have an update (another one by Hermione. I kind of like her) and there is another one coming later.**

* * *

Dear Harry,

There are more important things than books and cleverness, like friendship and bravery. How I know that?

Sincerely, I've read that, of course.


	93. Sincerely, Vernon Dursley

**Sorry for the long wait, I had major computer problems (still have them actually, just decided to go to the library today and finally update). I'll post several chapters today, but after that, I'll take a short break (more about that in chapter 100). Thank you all for the reviews! I like them so much!**

* * *

Dear Boy,

I should think you'd be a little more grateful. We've raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table, even let you have Dudley's second bedroom purely out of the goodness of our hearts.

Sincerely, Now go to your room and pretend that you don't exist.


	94. Sincerely, Lucius Malfoy

**This one is AVPS inspired, everybody who still hasn't seen it, go stand in a corner and feel ashamed! (I'm not even kidding, if you like Harry Potter enough to spend time in his fandom (which you're doing right now) and you have internet connection (which I know you have) there is no reason not to watch it.) Anyway, those who don't get the joke, too bad for you :P**

* * *

Dear Draco,

Stop talking! I don't care. I really don't care whether you've mastered the use of the potty or not.

Sincerely, Just learn to dance!


	95. Sincerely, Harry Potter III

**So, I wanted to do something with the singing valentine that Ginny send, but it didn't really work. So her is Harry, years later, singing himself…**

* * *

Dear Ginny Potter,

_Her eyes can look so sad, but when she gets mad,_

_She will take revenge, with her Bat Boogey hex._

_I'm glad you are mine, we're both so divine,_

_The girl that made me come back from the dead._

Sincerely, Your loving husband.

* * *

**(Now imagine Darren Criss singing this.)**


	96. Sincerely, Mr Riddle

**Finally! I'm sorry all of you had to wait so long, I really am. All I want to say now is: enjoy!**

* * *

Dear Law & Order, Criminal Minds, CSI, Cold Case and even Bones.

Try figuring this out: AVADA KEDAVRA!

Sincerely, Mr. Riddle.


	97. Sincerely, Hermione Weasley

Dear Ronald,

Stop screaming 'oh my god they killed Harry' every freaking day. Seriously! Even you should know that that is NOT 'totally awesome'! It freaks me out every single time!

Sincerely, I knew introducing you to the television would be a bad idea.

* * *

**Quiet proud of myself, three references in one letter. I doubt anyone will notice all three of them, but that's a good thing, I just watch way to many tv :$ (also, hating myself a little bit for letting Hermione call Ron 'Ronald', I hate it so much that people make her do that (even in the movies!) that was totally Dumbledore's thing.)**


	98. Sincerely, Mafalda Hopkirk

**For those who haven't watched AVPS, I think all you need to know is that Joe Walker played Umbride.**

* * *

Dear Joe Walker,

We have received intelligence that you impersonated Umbride at 33 minutes past 7 p.m. on the May 14.

Because of this people now think that Umbride is a man, that she tried to sleep with Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, that she is willing to kill children and that she can't stop 'texting' people. This is in violation with the Degree for the Reasonable Restriction of Integrity of People Involved with or Working at the Ministry of Magic (the DRRIPIWMM), 1925, section 14, Paragraph B.

There will be a disciplinary hearing at 9 a.m. on the eleventh of June, at which time an official decision about your punishment will be taken.

Sincerely, Mafalda Hopkirk.

* * *

**The DRRIPIWMM, try saying that three times fast. (I'm wondering if somebody actually tried saying it, I did, but ones was enough, what a mouth full!)**

**Also, I actually looked up the date (and time!) Joe Walker first appeared as Umbridge with a full audience. Aren't I great :)**


	99. Sincerely, Hagrid

Dear Harry, Ron and Hermione,

Fluffy ain't a problem. Just play some music and he sleeps.

Sincerely, Shouldn't have said that. No more questions, don't ask any more question!

* * *

**I really needed a Hagrid one. I wanted to use a quote from the book, but I didn't have it on my (although I'm pretty sure I could find one, it's a pretty big library) so I went with movie quotes. (I saw it just yesterday, my mom and sister needs to re-watch everything before going to the last movie. It's killing me! I want to see it so bad.)**


	100. Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore II

**There's nothing to do, the dark lord is dead, Harry Potter wins, end of story. – Joe Moses in 'Not Over Yet' (AVPS).**

**So, this is my way of saying that I'll take a little break. In the last 100 days I wrote far over a hundred of those 'Dear, Sincerely,'s and put a hundred of them online (okay, stupid computer problems made it impossible to actually post them, but still… I wrote this some time ago). I barely have any inspiration anymore and I have a lot of other projects up and running. This fic will defiantly be continued someday, but for now, you guys can just use your spare time to master the use of the potty.**

**I hope you all enjoyed it and I wanted to thank you all of your reviews (650! :D), for all your support, for all the inspiration you guys gave me and for simply reading this. Thank you all so much!**

**For my 100th chapter I decided to use a quote in both the first and last book, it sorta seemed the way to go. So her it is, from the best headmaster Hogwarts ever had (Phineas Nigellus :D no just kidding, I am, of course, talking about Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore.)**

* * *

Dear Everybody,

Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

Sincerely, Thank you!


End file.
